I'm gonna complain and whine just a bit. Today I felt really good. Hell, I felt high and mighty. A couple of upper classmen in the ID program are doing this thing every Wednesday where they show these really kewl DVDs and have us do drawing and sketching exercises. This really got me juiced about drawing again. It was nice to have this awsome and excited feeling. I felt good, really good. So I come home have dinner and take a shower and I'm about to draw and my mother comes home from work. She's been on vacation for about a month and just finished her vacation and now she's back to work. Anyway she comes home and the first thing she tells me is that the bar tender told her I got fatter. Then she makes a big deal about me losing weight and that I need to eat better and exercise more. On top of that she clobbers me more by asking me when I'm going to graduate and when I'm going to find a real job. Now I feel like shit. Fuck. Yeah, I know I can choose how to feel but then every single time it's the same hum-dee-do-daa about a reminder that I'm fat and I need a better job and I need to fucking do shit with my life otherwise I'm a fuckin' loser shithead fuckface GODDAMN WHEN WILL IT FUCKIN' STOP I FUCKIN' HATE THIS SHIT AND I'M TIRED OF IT JUST FUCKIN' LET ME DO MY SHIT SO I CAN GET MY SHIT TOGETHER WITHOUT CONSTANT FUCK CRITICISM REMINDING ME HOW MUCH I NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I feel like yelling at them but I can't cause I really got it good here. I know they love me and wish the best for me. But shit, what the fuck do they think I'm doing here? Why the fuck am I going back to school? You think I can just fuckin' fix my life overnight. Shit, takes fuckin' longer than that. God fuckin'damnnit! All this pressure. It's like when I was going to college in my early years. It's happening again. Then there come the damn obligations. My obligations. Fuck that. Obligations to my parents it sounds more like. Shit! And I know that there's some fuckin' bastard out there reading this shit who's gonna tell me to get a grip and get my shit together cause I got it good. I have a house to live in. I have a car. I have a computer. I have skills. Let me tell you moron. Shit, I fucked my life in the past and I'm trying to make things right. Don't fuckin' lecture me about complaining and shit. I'll fuckin' complain as much as I want cause I know I'm doing my fuckin' damnedest here to straighten myself. Shit man, can't even fuckin' masturbate cause I'm pissed. I have a theory. It seems to happen everytime. When I do have a nice day, mom will say something to make me shitty. I thought about the past days I felt oh so good and came home to here my mom shoot me down with something. Next time, I'm just gonna stay on campus all night and do some fuckin' drawings. God damnit. Oh well, I'm done.
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