July 6, 2004 - Tuesday

I'm always amazed by the fact that in the comic Young can type with just one hand side ways. Other than that, sorry Louis. I missed you again when you came down to visit. Dang work. Today I went up to SF with Chris, Ken, Mike and Thinh. We went VCD hunting in Chinatown. I felt bad though cause we ended up also going to this one Chinese restaurant. Why I felt so bad because I had bad vibes about it and didn't act on them. Once we went up the stairs to our table I immediately knew something was wrong. I was the only Chinese person their with the exception of the waiters and people working there. I was gonna bail but I didn't want to be rude and it was hard enough to find any place serving any Dim Sum type of dish after 4:00PM. The real horror came when we got the menus. Everything was overpriced. $4.80 for a serving of 4 dumplings. I really wanted to leave but then I guess it was too late. I've been to places where you could get a serving of 4 dumplings in those neat bamboo steam holders for under $2.00. Of course everyone else sitting at the other tables were probably tourists who couldn't tell about prices for Chinese food. I wanted to tell them that they were being ripped off. We ended up ordering a few items. The bill came out to be around $65.00. I knew of other places where we would've spended at least $20.00 or less for what we ordered. I felt really bad for not taking any action and just bailing out of there. So lately I've been thinking. Right now I'm going back to SJSU for another degree to seek redemption for myself. This fall I wanted to take conversational Cantonese but then there was a class conflict. However the thought about taking another major has crossed my mind many times. Right now I'm an industrial design major. I was also thinking recently about majoring in Chinese. The reason being my whole life I was born in the US and I knew a little bit of Chinese but not a whole lot to have a decent conversation with my grandmother or any other relative. I guess it's more of self improvement or something I want to do before I die. I constantly think about how I can't even read or write Chinese. I'm Chinese though I was born in the US. I keep on blaming myself for not making an effort to learn Chinese. The only thing I'm worried about is if I do take another major that means I'll have to be in school longer. I'm worried because I'm 27 and going back to school again. I'm almost 30. I think to myself sometimes that I should be doing something else or that I messed up myself in life and didn't take the right steps to be successful. Successful in terms of at this stage of my life I should be out of the house with a steady job and planning on starting a family or something. Maybe it's too early for that at this age. I know other people who are 40 years old and still single and living with their parents. I guess for me it's just social pressure about living life. It's like at a certain age you have to be this or do this. You have to meet up some kind of standard. I'm a bit worried at where I'm at. I feel really insecure about myself. I look at others my age who have moved out or have got married or are having kids at this point in life. I guess what really matters is what I want. I just feel like I screwed up a lot in the past. Well, I did screw up a lot in the past. I guess it helped me some because I'm trying to reassess my life right now before it's too late and before I get any older. I guess I feel like crap because I'm not where I want to be and I'm not who I want to be yet and I've wasted so much time on stupid things and made some bad decisions. Just gotta learn and move on I guess. I think I'll stick to my guns and learn Chinese and also finish my industrial design degree. A few more years of school couldn't hurt.

[^o0Kynger0o^] - 1:57 AM PDT

Dude, you study Chinese, and I'll study with you. My Chinese has gone down the toliet since I graduated and stopped taking classes. But this only works if you study Mandarin. My Cantonese is non-existant. ^_^ Let me know. ^^

[^e^] - 9:47 AM PDT

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