Hmmmmmmm....
My toe's swollen. Don't know how it came that way. Happened last Friday. Just decided to swell up and hurt like a mother fucker. Stupid. One ailment after another. No friggin' mercy. Get one cold sore and then another one after that, catch a flu and the a mild cold, the I get this stupid swelled toe shit. Limping since Friday too. Got some sympathy though. Even though they tried to send me home I stuck it out at work cause I want the money. It's funny though. Everyone tries to diagnose what the hecks wrong or what possibly could be affecting my toe. Then people jump to conclusions and tell me that it's an ingrown toe nail or gout (whatever that is) and shit like that but I wish they would shut the fuck up and stop trying to diagnose me damn stupid punk ass cock bite doctor wannabes. It's a fucking swelled up toe that fucking hurts that's what it is! I'm goin' to the get it checked out tomorrow.
I made 25 bucks in tips doing coat checks today cause of my stupid swelled up mother fuckin' hurtin' toe shit. Got to sit down at least. Half the coats were all fur. They felt nice. Fur coats are heavy too. Didn't realize that. You can like kill people by stacking fur coats on them. Or like pack a bunch of fur coats together and make it really dense and packed and launch it with a cannon at someone. Heh, death by furball. But shit, those things are heavy. I feel sorry for the poor woodland creatures though. Well, there's leather too but at least we eat the cows. They felt nice though. I wanted to try one on but then I was a pussy. Meh, not bad for 25 bucks I guess just gettin' people their coats back. Gas money baby.
So like when I was cheking coats out to the guests I guess I sorta had a panic attack. I have these sometimes. It's like I think, "Man, I'm gonna be stuck for the rest of my life serving rich people." Then I realize, "Meh, I can quit this job and apply at Denny's or McDonalds and serve the common people." But it's like, shoot, am I getting anywhere? I mean maybe I should just focus on just making enough money to survive and forget all about this art crap. Finding a job in my field is just overwhelming that maybe I should do anything just to get by. But then I see these rich people at the country club I work at and like wonder how the heck did they end up like that? It's not that I want to be or end up like how they are. I guess it's a matter of finding the definition of success. I grew up with the idea that I would go to school then college then get a job, get married and then have kids. That was the idea of success I had. I kinda still have it. I see some people at my age who have good jobs and are getting married and have relationships. But then I've met people who are married and are miserable. I guess after working about 10 different jobs I got to learn about different types of people. I've met people who are over 40 and never had a wife or husband. I've met people over 40 who had 2 or more wives or husbands. Now I'm starting to think success is defined only by people themselves through the goals that they set and achieve through life. I guess I really don't have a goal right now so I can't really define my success. Although the thought of being a well known artist or something like that appeals to me I think just being able to create something for me to call my own regardless if the fame is there or not is something I'll be happy with. I still could use a girlfriend I guess.
So it's happening again. I'm almost afraid to say cause everytime I do say it I feel I'm jinxing myself but shit I'm gonna tell ya. There's this girl at work. She has a wonderful personality. That's about it for now. We've talked and stuff at work. That's the only time I see her. I feel connected with her I guess. Why I feel I'm jinxing myself? I always felt that if I told anyone about some girl I'm interested in or that I met I feel that nothing is gonna happen. I've had many failures with women. But I've learned from them. This time I'll learn more. And if I fail, meh, there'll still be another girl I'll meet.
Stupid toe!
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