Smurgen A friend who likes to vent... Hiya! Here's the deal, I have a friend who calls me all the time and stuff. Trobuel is, she only calls when she wants to let off steam about her boyfriend pissing her off or other things along those lines. I try to be nice and listen but i'm getting kinda tired of it. I mean, i guess you guys listen for all of us nobodies, but you are offering the help ^_^ I never really asked to be her thearapist. Haibane Reki Just curious, but have you ever actually told her this? That you're tired of it and don't want to be treated as her therapist anymore? (I think mostly it's called "dumping.") I mean, there are all sorts of ways to bring this up, and there are better ones than others. BAD: "QUIT DUMPING ON MEEEeee!" (Slam down phone.) GOOD: "I like being your friend, but when I want to talk to you, all you seem to want to talk about is what's making you mad. I like to help, but if that's all we ever talk about...it's kinda depressing, don't you think? I'd rather talk about..." (and strike up a conversation about something you do like talking to her about). Haibane Reki Maybe it's just my experience, but a lot of the problem of being someone else's dumping ground, is that all they seem to want to do is dump...not actually wanting help or anything, just a chance to vent. Makes you feel upset, because they're upset, but at the same time helpless, because they don't seem to want you to help them deal with it...or sometimes even deal with it at all. Its the main reason I don't like getting dumped on. But then, if you do have an idea that you think could help, then you can try to bring it up, and help them work through their problem. Hard part is not letting yourself get upset, because that can throw your judgement off and someone else isn't going to want to listen to you or trust your judgement. From where I'm sitting, the best trick to helping someone is to help them find out what the heart of the problem is, and then you can try to deal with that. You call, saying you hate having your friend dump on you. But what's the heart of that? You get upset that she's upset. You get frustrated that she makes you upset and then only seems to want you to listen to even more of it. So, how can that get better? You need to make her aware of how it is hurting you, too...and maybe instead of having her dump on you, you can see if she actually wants help. Haibane Reki And some times, the best idea is to point the person to someone better equiped to deal with the problem.... I mean, you didn't ask to be her therapist, but maybe that's really what she needs right now. Maybe not a pro, if you think you can help her and she doesn't want to talk to anyone else, but maybe there is someone else you think could give her the advice she needs.