Versanjalos an odd emotional placement I've known this girl for many years now, and i have a crush on her. In an attempt to make something of it, i told her my feelings, and got the usual response (for me anyways), "i need some time to think." That's fine. Now, it's been years since i've tried, but we still hang out and are friends, but i sometimes catch her looking at me. When asked, she doesn't say much, cocks a little half smile and turns away. Perhaps i'm getting too much out of this, but i don't get it... help me out here, will ya? Alucard Tepis You have given this girl "years" to think about it? Fascinating. Sounds like she has you quite well hooked...but this is not to be judgemental about it. Well, since you are still friends and hang out, she still enjoys your company, that much is clear. But, according to you, she refuses to discuss your relationship further and instead, acts coy. It is perhaps the case, that she considers you the "backup" boyfriend. You are her friend. You are a boy. But until she thinks she can't do any better, she won't consider you as a boyfriend. Since you still hang out with her, she knows she can keep you around until she finds Mr. Right, or until she decides that you are Mr. Good Enough. Alternatively, she may like you a lot, as a friend, but nothing more, and fears loosing your friendship, were she to spurn your advances more strongly. So, really now, it's up to you to decide if that is enough for you. Do you really love her? Or is it just an infatuation? Are you willing to wait, for as long as it takes, or is this relationship becoming more trouble than it is worth? Rather tough questions, I know, but ones worth considering the answers for. If you are comfortable getting what you are getting from the relationship, then by all means pursue it. It really depends on your level of interest and patience. If you are less the patient type, then you may want to try and talk to her about how you feel, and see if she feels as strongly for you as you do her, or if she is just holding on to your friendship because of convenience. Don't take a half smile and turning her back on you as an answer. If you want answers, and she tries to worm her way out, call her on it and let her know how upset you are that she is dodging the question. But...realize that pushing too hard, may make her want to break off the relationship. If Mr. Good Enough is pushing her to decide before she thinks she's had a chance to see if Mr. Right is out there waiting for her, she may decide that you are more trouble than you are worth to her. So again, what is it worth to you? Versanjalos While that is indeed a very valid and worth while question, i feel that something is missing from our relationship. Now, the first time around, i failed to mention this believing that perhaps this has nothing to do with the situation. However, the reason it's been years, is because she's come back from Canada within the last few months, and we've only talked online. Usually only the non important idle chatter. In response to your question of love or infatuation, i can't say for sure yet, because it's been years since i actually saw her in person, and as i'm sure you well know, "Omnia mutantar nos et mutamur en illis." (for those that don't speak latin, 'time changes and we with it.') I'd like to really have a chance for both of us to see just how we feel, however, a rather recent difficulty have emerged in her life, making our relationship a little more distant and awkward. In all actuality, i'm not really satisfied with what i recieve so far from her, however, it's not so unpleasant that i can't wait a while longer for a real response. Also, both of us have changed alot since we were younger, and i sometimes get the impression that our friendship is being stressed, due to her recent problems, and sometimes i wonder if it was worth the time and emotion that i have placed on her. Your questions are very good ones, definitely deserving of some serious thought, however i suppose that i'm still stuck on what to do. I've only started thinking of being something more than friends since she's returned, and it takes me a while to decide on serious issues, especially when they inovolve myself and others i care for. However, for the moment, i'm sitting in the middle, weighing the outcomes... Versanjalos Perhaps I should make one last "stand" and just put it on the line again, which wouldn't neccasarily destroy the friendship, but make it highly uncomfortable. Alucard Tepis Ah...well, it does change the circumstance a bit if you have been long-distance friends in your long period of being unserious. Separation can put a damper on anyone's feelings. I understand your renewed reticence to confront her about your feelings, but I think you put some very good points into your reply. Were you to decide to make the "stand" you speak of, I think those are a very good place to start. Be honest with her. You can remind her of how you felt about her then, although she probably remembers herself. You can talk to her about how you thought it was okay to not be "serious" after she had turned you away and had gone so far away. You can see if she feels similarly about your concern that you have grown apart, but your hope that you could have a chance for both of you to see how you feel about each other now that you can see each other again. One really important thing to say to her is what you told me, that you can wait for her "real" response. When people are under a lot of stress, particularly emotional stress, confronting them with any sort of ultimatum, may just result in them wanting to take the quickest and easiest way out, just to avoid more stress. So, tell her that you are still trying to figure out where you want your relationship to go and want to give her the time she needs to figure out how she really feels. But she should also know that you would like an answer some day. You do want to be closer to her than you are now, and you don't think you could be as happy leaving things as they are now.