Kat Moving on About 3 years I had my first boyfriend... I loved him... and he loved me. And then, somewhere along the line... I dunno, I guess he stopped (or perhaps never did, I don't know) and he broke up with me... I never had any idea why or what happened... just BAM, over. Now, to this day... I'm over him... I have to be, right? I havn't had another boyfriend since (but that doesn't concern me too much) I thought I was over him anyway. The other day we were talking (well, not really talking, it was over the net... I havn't actually seen him since he broke up with me) and he refered back when we were 'going out'. This shocked me for a second, why would he put the little marks on going out... We were going out... *shrugs* I dunno... What I'm really asked can I really be over my ex boyfriend when these things still affect me? Alucard Tepis I think his throwing punctuation around 'going out' bothered you a great deal because it implies that at least now, you two see the relationship you had in different ways. What you considered going out, to him was only 'going out,' as though it was that in name only, or that while you call it "going out," he would rather call it something else. Alucard Tepis Whether you are, or will be "over" your ex, depends a what you mean by being "over" him. Do you think you will be over him when you finally stop thinking about him? This just isn't realistic, so you are setting yourself up for failure. He was your first boyfriend. It is unlikely that you will ever forget him. That is simply how life is, and it is something you are just going to have to live with. Hopefully, though, the amount you will think about him will fade, and your concern about his thoughts of you will fade with it. It would be healthier to look forward to the day when how he feels about you no longer matters to you. And by that, I mean how he thinks about you, at that moment. Sure, you will always have your memories, but eventually you will have to let them become part of your past, and not let them intrude on your present. Alucard Tepis That his words bothered you, shows you are not quite there, yet, but you seem to be on your way to moving on. You still have some unresolved issues about the relationship, mainly, why it ended. It may hurt your ability to move on with those unanswered questions still in your mind. So, you will either have the time and patience to accept never knowing an answer, or you are going to have to confront him. You are still talking with him, yet you don't have your answer, yet. That tells me a bit about you both. Or is it just that he has failed to give you a satisfactory answer? He may not be mature enough to give you one, and that may be an answer in and of itself. I would like to offer something else for you to consider. Are there things about your own choices and actions while in the relationship that you are concerned about as well? Sometimes people leave a relationship feeling that they were at fault, or that something was wrong with them. This is not to say those doubts are false or exagerated, but they need to be examined and dealt with (disproved or rectified) before a person is ready to leave the previous relationship behind them and enter into a new one. Alucard Tepis Which leads us, of course, to the other means of getting "over" your first boyfriend.... Find a second boyfriend that means more to you than the first. If you have someone new in your life, that will likely displace the thoughts and feelings you are having towards your first. I understand this is not necessarily the easier of the two options, but it can be as effective. Kat Well, I don't think about him that often just every now and then. It's been such a long time that what he thinks of me doesn't really concern me, and I guess that's why that emotion of me caring about such a stupid thing confuses me. I did try talking to him about why when we were breaking up, but he simply shrugged and said "I dunno" and I don't really feel I can ask him now given the fact that it's been so many years and he's off living with his girlfriend. It's just really ackward But yes, I for some reason do feel it's my fault in a way... I feel I didn't pay enough attention to him or something... Does that make sense? I would drop everything when he was around (even assignments which counted for 5% of my subject mark, simply so I could spend a few hours with him) and somehow, I still feel like I didn't pay enough attention... Does that even make sense? As to finding another boyfriend? I dunno... I mean, I don't know that many people as it is anymore and even if I were to find a guy I liked... I'd never be able to say anything to them, I mean heck, the only way I started going out with my ex is because he made the first move... I've always been too shy to actually say anything to a guy in fear that I'll get shot down or something Alucard Tepis It's perfectly normal to have some guilty feelings after a breakup. You've probably heard a thousand times that you just have to "put it behind you." While true, it does not make it very easy. One way to do it, is to consider what went wrong and think positively about ways of doing things better the next time. I'm a little concerned that you feel you didn't pay enough attention to your ex, but then claim that you would drop everything to be around him. Now either you are overstating your case, have a low opinion of what your time is worth, or, hopefully more likely, it was the lack of interest from your ex that made you feel like nothing you did was enough. Saddly, there are a number of males (I am loathe to call them men) in this world that take far more interest in getting a girlfriend than having one. Winning a girl's heart validates their belief that they are (or dispells fears that they are not?) attractive. But, once she has given them the ego boost that they were looking for, they don't know what do do with her. They don't need her anymore. Your ex sounds like he may be one of this sort. Alucard Tepis Now, leaving behind your ex and turning to your next, I wouldn't worry too strongly. He'll come around eventually. You may want to consider, though, that if you go looking for him, it might be a lot easier for him to find you, even if you are just managing to put yourself in a more likely place and state of mind for him to inadvertantly trip over you. As for asking a guy out...you don't have to go that far, merely letting him know that you are interested and available, in even subtle ways, can do wonders. Given that many guys feel as afraid and for the same reasons as you do about asking out a girl, and on top of that are the ones expected to do the asking, getting asked out by a girl is not only a relief, but also nearly impossible to resist unless he already has a girlfriend (and even then, there are some that will trade up).